The Man Behind Valentine’s Day Was Killed. Does True Love Actually Exist?

By Alicia Raffinengo

Reporter Life News Today

Valentine’s Day arrives each year wrapped in roses, chocolates and expectation, a celebration marketed as gentle and romantic. Its origins, however, are rooted in violence, power and death. Long before Feb. 14 became synonymous with love, it was shaped by pagan ritual, religious persecution and the execution of a man whose name would survive centuries while the details of his life faded into legend.

In ancient Rome, mid-February was not reserved for romance. It was dominated by Lupercalia, a pagan festival observed from Feb. 13 to 15 that focused on fertility, purification and survival. The rituals were public and physical, designed to protect the community from disease and misfortune and to encourage reproduction. Pairings were symbolic, bodies were central and romance was irrelevant. The festival reflected a society more concerned with continuity than sentiment.

Early Christian sources describe more than one martyr named Valentine, making his identity difficult to determine with certainty. The figure most commonly associated with Valentine’s Day is believed to have lived in third century Rome during the reign of Emperor Claudius II.

According to early accounts, Valentine was a Christian priest at a time when Christianity was illegal and viewed as a threat to Roman order. The empire demanded loyalty above all else, and religious dissent was treated as defiance of the state. Christians who refused to renounce their faith were routinely imprisoned or executed.

Later tradition holds that Claudius II restricted marriages for young men, believing unmarried soldiers were more effective in battle. Valentine is said to have defied the decree by secretly performing Christian marriages. While historians debate the accuracy of that detail, what is not disputed is that Valentine was arrested, imprisoned and executed around 269 A.D. Roman records and early Christian writings indicate his death resulted from refusing to renounce Christianity and submit fully to imperial authority. Valentine was killed by the Roman state for acts considered both religious defiance and civil disobedience. His execution placed him squarely among the early Christian martyrs.

The distinction matters. In early Christianity, a martyr was not simply someone who died, but someone killed for refusing to abandon their faith. Such deaths were viewed as public acts of witness rather than defeat. Martyrs were formally commemorated, their deaths recorded and their feast days preserved on the church calendar. Valentine’s martyrdom is the reason his name endured while countless others from the same period disappeared from history.

Over time, legend filled in the silence left by incomplete records. One enduring story claims Valentine befriended the daughter of his jailer and sent her a farewell note signed “from your Valentine” before his execution. Historians caution that the account cannot be verified and likely emerged centuries later, shaped by oral tradition rather than evidence. Even so, the central fact remains unchanged. Valentine died because of his faith.

As Christianity expanded across the Roman Empire, church leaders moved deliberately to dismantle pagan traditions and replace them with Christian observances. In 496 A.D., Pope Gelasius I abolished Lupercalia and declared Feb. 14 a feast day honoring Saint Valentine. The decision was not about love. It was about authority, belief and redirecting public devotion. At the time, the day carried no romantic meaning at all.

For centuries, Feb. 14 remained a religious observance largely disconnected from love. That began to change in the Middle Ages, when poets and writers reframed the day through the language of romance. In the 14th century, English poet Geoffrey Chaucer linked St. Valentine’s Day to the mating of birds and the choosing of romantic partners. At a time when courtly love dominated aristocratic culture, the association took hold.

The shift was gradual but lasting. By the 1700s, handwritten notes were exchanged on Feb. 14 in parts of Europe. The Industrial Revolution accelerated the transformation, allowing expressions of affection to be printed, packaged and sold.

In the United States, Valentine’s Day expanded rapidly in the 19th and early 20th centuries. Mass production turned private emotion into standardized products. Companies such as Hallmark helped entrench the holiday in American culture, followed by the rise of chocolates, flowers and jewelry as expected symbols of affection. By the late 20th century, Valentine’s Day had become a multibillion-dollar industry.

Marketing reframed the holiday as a measure of emotional commitment, equating love with spending and public display. For many, the day became less about connection and more about performance. Even so, its pull remains strong because it taps into a question that persists beneath the marketing. Does true love actually exist.

There is no scientific definition of true love, but decades of psychological research provide insight into how people experience lasting relationships. Studies of attachment and long-term partnership show that most people experience at least one deeply loving relationship in their lives. Roughly one third report sustaining a long-term partnership they describe as emotionally secure, supportive and enduring. Others experience love that is intense but temporary, while a smaller portion report never finding what they would personally define as true love.

The popular idea of soulmates adds another layer to that question. Surveys in the United States and Europe consistently find that about 60 to 70 percent of adults say they believe in soulmates, the idea that there is one person uniquely meant for them. Younger adults are more likely to hold this belief than older generations, reflecting the influence of modern romantic culture, films and social media. At the same time, relationship research suggests that far fewer people say they actually find a single, exclusive soulmate, with estimates generally ranging between 20 and 30 percent of adults who report meeting “the one” in a lasting way.

Researchers note a clear gap between belief and experience. While many people describe at least one deeply meaningful romantic relationship, only a minority frame that relationship as the result of destiny rather than choice and compatibility. Psychologists caution that strong belief in soulmates can create unrealistic expectations, making ordinary conflict feel like evidence that a relationship is flawed rather than normal.

Researchers emphasize that lasting love is not a permanent emotional high or effortless connection. It is defined by trust, mutual commitment and the ability to navigate conflict, change and hardship over time. Couples who report long-term satisfaction tend to describe love as something that evolves and stabilizes rather than remains intense and consuming.

In that sense, true love is less about destiny and more about sustained effort and compatibility. It is not marked by the absence of struggle but by the willingness to remain engaged through it. While the idea of soulmates continues to shape romantic expectations, evidence suggests that enduring love is most often built through shared values, emotional security and repeated choice rather than fate alone.

Valentine’s Day today reflects centuries of cultural layering. It began as a pagan fertility festival, was reshaped into a Christian feast honoring a man executed by the Roman state, transformed by medieval poetry into a symbol of romance and ultimately absorbed into modern consumer culture. Its meaning has never been fixed. It has evolved alongside society itself.

Behind the cards and candy, the story of Valentine’s Day remains rooted in belief, sacrifice and human connection. Saint Valentine was not remembered because he embodied romance. He was remembered because he was willing to die for what he believed. For all its commercialization, the modern holiday still carries echoes of that history and humanity’s enduring search for a love that lasts, whether found in a moment of passion or built slowly across a lifetime.

Sources

Liber Pontificalis (Book of Pontiffs), entries on Pope Gelasius I and the suppression of pagan festivals, including Lupercalia.

Acta Sanctorum, February volume, early martyr accounts referencing Saint Valentine.

Roman Martyrology, Vatican edition, listing Feb. 14 as the feast day of Saint Valentine and identifying him as a martyr.

Tacitus, Annals, on Roman persecution of early Christians.

Eusebius of Caesarea, Ecclesiastical History, Book VIII, documenting Christian martyrdoms under Roman emperors.

Encyclopedia Britannica, “Lupercalia,” overview of the Roman fertility festival and its practices.

Oxford Classical Dictionary, entries on Roman religious festivals and mid-February rites.

Beard, Mary. SPQR: A History of Ancient Rome. Liveright, 2015. Context on Roman religious life and state authority.

Catholic Encyclopedia, “St. Valentine,” detailing martyrdom traditions and early veneration.

Butler, Alban. Lives of the Saints. Revised edition, entries for Feb. 14.

Vatican.va, “Roman Martyrology,” official calendar and criteria for sainthood through martyrdom.

Geoffrey Chaucer, Parlement of Foules (circa 1382), linking St. Valentine’s Day with romantic pairing.

Oxford English Literature History, entries on courtly love traditions.

Kelly, Henry Ansgar. Chaucer and the Cult of Saint Valentine. Brill, 1986.

Smithsonian Magazine, “The Dark Origins of Valentine’s Day.”

U.S. Library of Congress, history of greeting cards and mass printing.

Hallmark corporate archives and company history on early 20th-century Valentine card campaigns.

National Retail Federation annual Valentine’s Day spending reports.

American Psychological Association, reports on attachment theory and long-term partnerships.

Gottman, John M. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Crown Publishing.

Pew Research Center, studies on marriage, long-term relationships and life satisfaction.

Harvard Study of Adult Development, long-term findings on relationships and well-being.