Oreo Twist Lick Vote Contest
Greetings comrades (after all what are we if not siblings in arms in the struggle against boring flavors), once again I, the Reckless Gastronome, entreat you to participate in democracy (surely, it’ll end better this time). Oreo has brought three candidates for next year’s returning flavor. Wait, this is a little confusing. There are three new flavors, but only one will come back later? Wouldn’t it make more sense for them to bring back three old flavors, and then vote for which one will stick around? Still makes more sense than the electoral college at least.
Oreo has made quite a few different flavors over the years (I still think fondly of the Limeade ones, see my original blog for my incredibly brief review in 2014), but let’s go a little further back in history to 1908. This isn’t when Oreo was first invented, but rather when the product that the National Biscuit Company (later shortened to Nabisco) copied was released. Yes, that’s right, Oreo (released in 1912) was originally a knockoff of Hydrox. Hydrox were the GoBots, to Oreo’s Transformers (yes, I’ve made that joke before, but I like it so much I’m using it again.) Oreo was so much more popular that people began to believe that Hydrox was the imitator. I personally thought it was generic store brand. Chances are if your birth year starts with a 20, you probably have never even seen a Hydrox cookie, but my research tells me that they are still being made, but I can’t ever remember anyone preferring them over Oreos, so I don’t know why.
Oreo owes its success not to being a better cookie, but rather to its marketing. The distinctive cookie pattern with the brand name stamped onto each sandwich, the name that doesn’t sound like an industrial chemical (I’m aware that hydrogen and oxygen is water but considering how many people sign petitions to ban dihydrogen monoxide; it doesn’t take much to scare people). They trademarked the “Oreo Twist” in 1923 (the twist, lick, dunk maneuver) to make eating feel more interactive. They also adopted the slogan “Milk’s Favorite Cookie” in 2004. While many companies would rest on their laurels (one of the theories for the origin of the name Oreo is that it comes from the Greek words for “beautiful laurel” since the original design on the cookie was a laurel wreath) Nabisco has decided to start creating numerous unusual flavors to keep the brand fresh and generate conversation. It might seem like weird flavors would scare people away, but it really hasn’t, by most accounts Oreo is likely the world’s most popular cookie with 40 billion being produced annually. This brings us full circle to this year’s contest, so let’s start digging in.
Oops, I nearly forgot disclosure time. Oreo has in the past sent me free products for me to review. However, I am a slacker and never got around to reviewing what they sent me. It was the BTS Brown Sugar Pancake flavor (it was pretty good, but I had already done two K-Pop food articles) and the Firecracker Pop flavor (amazingly good, but I was planning on doing a similarly flavored baked beans and time got away from me so neither article got written). As much as I talk about my willingness to be a sellout, I’m not very good about it. That being said, if you send me tickets for a luxury resort, I absolutely will do a proper review. Certainly… Probably… Maybe…
We are going to start with the flavor that is least shocking, but for my household most controversial, Banana Pudding. You want me to air my dirty laundry? Fine, but the topic can get pretty heated. It’s all about how it’s said. As a sane English-speaker I see the letters that are written and I use them accordingly (yes, there are plenty of words with silent letters, but there are rules and history for why they are that way). My lovely spouse on the other hand makes a terrifying noise that can only be transcribed as “nanner puddin’”. Unseemly, I know. Skipping letters is bad enough, but where the hell does the “r” come from? There is no “r” sound anywhere near banana!
Banana pudding is a dessert that originated in the American South at the turn of the century (the previous one), and it is commonly served with Nilla Wafers (when I was a kid I got confused by Nilla Wafers and manila folders and would mix up the names, in my defense they are the same color). Upon opening the package, the banana smell is strong but not overpowering. In regard to the taste, I feel they are a little too sweet, but the banana flavor is quite good. I couldn’t decide if it tasted like artificial banana, but the ingredients list banana puree, so my guess is that there is both. The cookie itself tastes just like a Nilla Wafer, but I’ll admit it may just be a regular golden Oreo (both are made with the same ingredients but with different ratios and more importantly both are made by Nabisco).
Next up we have Deep Fried. It really should be called Deep Fried Oreo, but my guess with the packaging is it would look like Oreo Deep Fried Oreo, and that would be even clunkier. Deep-fried Oreos are such a fairground staple in the United States, that it’s hard to believe that they weren’t invented until 2001. It’s true, they were invented by Charlie Boghosian (AKA “Chicken Charlie” or “The Man Who Fries Everything”) for the L.A. County Fair. Regular Oreos are dipped in batter (often pancake batter) and dunked into a vat of hot oil. The result is a crispy shell surrounding a slightly sodden chocolaty mess as the cookie and the crème start to dissolve and absorb oil. Ideally if the oil is hot enough, it shouldn’t absorb too much oil and the crème is still distinct, but let’s be honest getting one properly cooked at the fair is more an accident than a plan. So how does the store-bought stack up (get it, they are sold in stacks, I regret nothing) to the original? It’s an amazing bit of mimicry honestly. The outer cookie represents the crispy batter, while the chocolate, crème, and chocolate inner layers are a stand in for the original sandwich. I even think there is a subtle hint of oil taste to the cookie, but it could easily be my imagination running away from me. It’s not a perfect match, but I feel like it’s pretty clear from the taste what they were going for.
Alright, now for the one you all have been waiting for (and I have been trepidatious about), Chicken & Waffles. While fried chicken and waffles have existed separately for a long time, the first recorded instance of them being served together dates to the 17th century by the Pennsylvania Dutch (who are in fact Germans or their descendants, are called that because Deutsch, was written phonetically in the era before people were hooked on standardized spelling). It should also be noted that American fried chicken is a distinct category of fried chicken blending Scottish techniques with West African seasonings. I should also disclose that I’ve never quite seen the appeal of chicken and waffles. Gastronomically it makes sense, mixing sweet with savory, but in practice it has never quite clicked for me. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate well-made fried chicken and well-made waffles, but they are never more than the sum of their parts. Alright, I’ve put this off long enough. First the sniff test. Umm, ok. Not great but not stomach churning. The main scent is what I would describe as artificial maple syrup, tolerable but I wouldn’t buy it as a cologne (there has been fried chicken cologne before, because this is the world we live in and we aren’t allowed to stop the ride to get off). Now to describe the taste. If I were to be diplomatic, I would describe it as shocking (as evidenced by me loudly swearing when I took a bite). I was honestly startled by the taste. It’s like the tiny clockwork gears inside my head suddenly slipped. It was clearly bad, but I couldn’t figure out why it was bad. Unfortunately for me, that means that I have to keep going until I can articulate it (occupational hazard for a food reviewer). The next step is splitting it apart and tasting each component separately. Well, would you look at that, it became even worse. The crème is downright disgusting. Artificial fried chicken should be classified as a war crime. Not as bad as the heinous KFC Jelly Beans I tried before, but that’s damning it with faint praise. It’s like rinsing your mouth with sugar water after vomiting. Sort of like a sweet non-acidic bile. Ok, with that out of the way, the cookies must be normal (horses startle in the distance). Nope. Why did I think that? Normally, peppery and smoky would be a good thing, but here they taste burnt. Kind of makes my mouth itch a little too. As I’m writing this, I’m also learning that the taste revisits too, what a miserable bonus round.
My dear friends and readers we have a decision to make, the tasty but slightly too sweet Banana Pudding or the novel and decent but not really outstanding Deep-Fried flavor. No, I’m not including Chicken & Waffles, don’t be a jerk and vote for them. We have seen what happens when the ridiculous choice wins (maybe I’m talking about what you think I’m talking about, but maybe not). Jokes aside, vote for what you really think is best, it’s their job to convince you. Just not Chicken & Waffles.
Written by
Reckless Gastronome, Martin Peyruc
Life News Today
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